Music for Escapism.

  I go through waves of being down then feeling fine— but when I’m sad it hits hard. When I feel numb, I listen to music for catharsis. So I wanted to share with you my favorite band: Movements. They came out with a new album last week and their music expresses depression eloquently. Also, their composition is beautiful. They’re a post-hardcore band with figurative lyricism and solemn spoken word. 

I’m gonna share my favorite songs off the album: 

Full Circle

“I've had days that I swore would be my last 

And spent months walking on this broken glass

Just to tip toe towards the thought that maybe someday I'd get back 

To who I used to be, the one I used to see in the mirror, instead of this misery

And to rid myself of the cloud that would rain down and cause me to slip back into my apathy

But I know eventually I'm gonna come around

And maybe it won't be easy, but it will be worth it, and the results will be profound 

Because instead of feeling cornered, the corners of my mouth will start to point up 

Instead of being anchored down”

The Grey

“It's getting harder to pretend like I'm okay, when there's this constant reminder being drilled into my brain. I still believe in happiness and I want to find a way, but lately my whole world is being swallowed by the grey. 

For now there's comfort in the quiet, solitude, and rainy days. I've got my sadness to a science, all I can do is hope for change.”

Daylily

“Outside for the first time in a long time

You said you can't remember what it's like

To feel more than cold on the inside

But the sunrise will come again

And you'll be just fine “

Update

     

4.22-4.23

       Saturday was my sister’s bridal shower. I was somewhat feeling anxious Friday night. I didn’t want to show up early to help set up because I had a felt that I had so much to do—or that I need to get something done. But I never did anything. Nor could I organize my brain on what I had to do. Anyway, I was partly in charge of desserts and I felt terrible because I was never really involved with what was happening with the whole bridal shower. Thus, when I helped with setting up and everything I felt very awkward. Socially awkward. Not only that, but I woke up not wanting to socialize with anybody. I almost hated being there—setting up with everyone. Especially when I saw my cousins that I haven’t seen in yeeaaars. I was very talkative (at least I thought I was) but insecure because I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. A part of me knows they judged me in some type of way—they always have done that. Despite feeling that way, it was a good turn out and I’m happy I had the opportunity to see everyone.

     Sunday I wanted to sleep in. The night before Daniel left his keys in my car so I unfortunately had to drive to his house in the morning. But it was fine because I went to go see my family after. I had plans to go to Disneyland with Marissa later that day but prior to hanging out with her I was feeling anxious again. I wasn’t keen on the idea of spending a lot of money.. but I felt bad because I hadn’t seen her in a while. So I felt anxious again and practically slept during the day. When we met up, we had a beer and I told her about past due bills and being in debt. We both agreed that we shouldn’t spend too much money because we were both struggling. Thankfully, I didn’t get a Disney pass yet. We ended up still spending quite a bit of money on food and beer. Ultimately, I was happy to see Marissa and it was great catching up with her.

4.24

    Work wasn’t terrible but I felt terrible. I am extremely thankful that my job is easy but the difference in pace between both my jobs is murder. I woke up this morning and wasted my time (no surprise there). So I didn’t have time to make coffee and I just barely made it in time for work. When I got there, I was fine. But I swear half my shift I was practically falling asleep or was sleeping. I for sure know I kept on nodding off. I now know that I can’t survive without some type of caffeine before work. I’m currently at Canabru with Daniel. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself so I began to write. I started writing in my notebook but I felt like typing. I forgot how much I missed “writing.” It’s very carthartic and I really like how my style in how I write has changed. I’m thinking about going back to my blog (like I always tell myself). I need to build some type of portfolio and blogging is what I’m somewhat good at. I also want to keep track of myself. I love reminiscing on good memories.