4.22-4.23
Saturday
was my sister’s bridal shower. I was somewhat feeling anxious Friday night. I didn’t
want to show up early to help set up because I had a felt that I had so much to
do—or that I need to get something done. But I never did anything. Nor could I organize
my brain on what I had to do. Anyway, I was partly in charge of desserts and I
felt terrible because I was never really involved with what was happening with
the whole bridal shower. Thus, when I helped with setting up and everything I
felt very awkward. Socially awkward. Not only that, but I woke up not wanting
to socialize with anybody. I almost hated being there—setting up with everyone.
Especially when I saw my cousins that I haven’t seen in yeeaaars. I was very
talkative (at least I thought I was) but insecure because I wasn’t comfortable
in my own skin. A part of me knows they judged me in some type of way—they always
have done that. Despite feeling that way, it was a good turn out and I’m happy
I had the opportunity to see everyone.
Sunday I wanted to sleep in. The night
before Daniel left his keys in my car so I unfortunately had to drive to his
house in the morning. But it was fine because I went to go see my family after.
I had plans to go to Disneyland with Marissa later that day but prior to
hanging out with her I was feeling anxious again. I wasn’t keen on the idea of
spending a lot of money.. but I felt bad because I hadn’t seen her in a while. So
I felt anxious again and practically slept during the day. When we met up, we
had a beer and I told her about past due bills and being in debt. We both
agreed that we shouldn’t spend too much money because we were both struggling.
Thankfully, I didn’t get a Disney pass yet. We ended up still spending quite a
bit of money on food and beer. Ultimately, I was happy to see Marissa and it
was great catching up with her.
4.24
Work wasn’t terrible but I felt terrible. I
am extremely thankful that my job is easy but the difference in pace between
both my jobs is murder. I woke up this morning and wasted my time (no surprise
there). So I didn’t have time to make coffee and I just barely made it in time
for work. When I got there, I was fine. But I swear half my shift I was
practically falling asleep or was sleeping. I for sure know I kept on nodding
off. I now know that I can’t survive without some type of caffeine before work.
I’m currently at Canabru with Daniel. I honestly didn’t know what to do with
myself so I began to write. I started writing in my notebook but I felt like
typing. I forgot how much I missed “writing.” It’s very carthartic and I really
like how my style in how I write has changed. I’m thinking about going back to
my blog (like I always tell myself). I need to build some type of portfolio and
blogging is what I’m somewhat good at. I also want to keep track of myself. I
love reminiscing on good memories.
